The City of the Eternal Spring

Art by Leti C Stiles

Every now and then we engage in deep self inquiry.  We ask,  who am I, where did I come from and where I am going?  This intense period of recapitulation brought me into the spiral of the past to discover and reclaim the destiny that lied dormant in my unconscious.  My mother's passing and my husband's health challenges brought me to an inner crisis at a deep psychological level.  I began to explore the labyrinth of my childhood memories.  Looking back help me  see the past as a tapestry that I had woven through my life's experience, challenges and successes.  I saw myself through a difference lens and from a  new vantage point in my time line.  As years, and decades had gone by, they have left their mark.  Like ghost footsteps that can't be seen by the naked eye. 

Where did I come from?  In asking this question, I was seeking to understand the new direction my life was taking.  Shy from turning 60's, my identity was changing fast, especially after my mother's death and going home for her funeral.  I was standing on the threshold of something mysterious and unknown. 

I am from *The City of the Eternal Spring, a city in which flowers bloomed all year round, filled with gardens and easy living.  As I remembered the life before immigrating to the US at the tender age of 7, everything changed.  My childhood was filled with the joy and the wonder of a child.  There were splashes of color and scents in my memory, the flowers lingered in the recess of my subconscious mind.  My mother was very social and I attended many garden parties and gatherings with her, as I was the youngest, so I went everywhere with her.   Then my world was shattered when we immigrate to join my father in California.  Life changed forever,  like a young plant I was uprooted.  The trauma began of never fitting in and being an outsider.  The memories of the City of the Eternal Spring faded as I struggled to adjust. 

As my young self adjusted to living in the City of the Angels,  my innocence had  died like a flower out of water.  I had to face the cruelty of being an immigrant and the prejudice and racism I encountered daily.  Ill prepared for the harshness of the world, I  turned to poetry without knowing it would be my saving grace.   I would sit on a short cinder block wall outside my house for hours and read Pablo Neruda and other Latin poets.  Other times I would day dream laying on the grass watching the clouds and wishing to be elsewhere.  I  began to write poetry as my personal journal to makes sense of my teenage angst and how different I was from my own family and classmates.  My family was not able to understand me, as I was definitely different and was rapidly becoming acculturated.   It is a divide that split me and created an inner conflict that would take many years to integrate to become whole.  

It was not until my mid-twenties that I discovered that I was creative and this hunger for self expression  emerged when I participated in a weekend mask making workshop.  I was reborn in an explosion of color.  I had discover an unknown aspect of my soul self.  I dove deeply into a two year intense program to become an expressive art therapist.  I quit my corporate job to follow my heart in pure faith and courage.  These were such important years of incubation and growth. It was a time of great transformation.  This program was an adventure of a lifetime into all the arts, spirituality, ritual, ceremony, dreams, goddess lore, and transpersonal psychology.  I finally was able to bloom and soak up many experiences, I devoured books on everything spiritual and creative.  This period brought me so many answers and deep healing.  I learned to honor my creations as sacred aspects of my process and divine expression.  It took me another 10 years before I claimed and utter the words "I  am an artist".   During my training, I began meaningful work in the non-profit world working in domestic violence, drug and alcohol and sexual abuse trauma as a case manager and counselor.   A  training ground that  would prepared me for my future vocation.

Creating and painting became my meditation and refuge as I raised a son, went through relationship and career roller coaster rides.   I became a self-taught artist,  I barely had a time to take classes, but in stolen moments of busy schedules and family obligations, I found time to paint, and to get to know my muse.  I studied with various local artist in their studios instead of a formal class room .  I grew as an artist by experimenting with many mediums because, I needed room to explore and try everything without boundaries or rules.  Eventually in my 50s  I stumbled upon a teacher that would nurtured my soul.  She was a  master silk painter that painted these amazing and vibrant larger than life flowers on silk.  I was hooked when I attended an intensive workshop in her home studio.  I began my painting adventure on silk and of course I painted,  flowers, flowers, flowers.  My unconscious memories flooded into my art work.  My home became filled with large paintings of flowers and nature.  My Art unconsciously brought me home to live once again in  The City of the Eternal Spring within my imagination and spiritual practice, Art.   

Today,  I teach and share with others the gift and miracle of creativity and self expression.  I am a wild and free creative spirit with roots in my creativity.  My spirit inhabits all I create out of love, remembrance and healing.  Art brought me all the way back into wholeness so I could embrace the brilliance of my souls expression.  I had to journey back in time to uncover my destiny and integrate fragments of my soul self left behind in the void of a childhood cut short. 

* Cuernavaca, Morelos Mexico = also known as, The City of The Eternal Spring 

Radical Self Care

How to Thrive and Survive the Holiday Madness

The gift of self-care is probably something we all need more off during this Holiday season.   In a culture that is already filled with busyness and a plethora of activities, the tempo of daily life increases, and the demands of our time and attention reach a peak.  It can also be a fun time with gatherings, travel plans and many enjoyable activities.  But for many this season triggers painful issues around relationships, family dynamics, social isolation, financial pressures and old patterns, the past comes knocking at our door. 

I have found a mixture of excitement and dread around the holidays.   As an extrovert, I want to be included and be part off, but I also yearn for quiet time and rest.  It’s a balancing act, like walking a tightrope that I fear falling from.   Closing my eyes to my needs when my attention and time is being pulling in many directions can feel distressful and leave me feeling a little despondent and drained.   I navigate these seasonal waters by grounding my intentions and understanding that balance in all areas of my life necessary.  Watching my intake of food and alcohol, being in nature, doing some exercising and leaning on my spiritual practices help me stay center on my true needs.  Trusting my inner guidance helps determine my participation in activities that bring me the most joy and fulfillment, because this fuels my energy.  To know my limits directs me to make correct choices so I may enjoy my encounters with others, free of distractions, of what is next and relax into the present moment.

Self-care during this season is even more essential to help manage and maintain a healthy outlook in life.  Self-care is an act of self-love in a culture that thrives on excess and overindulgence during the Holiday season.  Radical self-care is a revolutionary act because it asks us to suspend self-judgment, release disappointment and disengage from outer stimulation.  It calls us to truly slow down and nurtures ourselves above all else.  Through self-care we seek inner balance and reconnection with our essential self so we may integrate our experiences. This helps bring new perspective to what helps us grow into our best selves, instead of living in the past and giving our power away to outer circumstances. 

The best way to survive and thrive during this season is to give yourself the time 

Getting Comfortable With Discomfort

We need to get comfortable with the discomfort, our fears and the unknown.   There is a reason for this discomfort, it’s our internal alarm clock letting us know to wake up and time to change.  If we confront our fears and investigate this discomfort we will find that this is our biggest gift.  It will become the fuel and catalyst for change. 

As we evolve, our desires and needs change and so do the people we are in relationship with, the jobs we go to and our family dynamics, and so on.  Everything evolves and changes; it's the cyclic nature of life.  We must become master artists creating our life's masterpiece and reinventing ourselves over and over in our lifetime.   As a recruiter of 15 years and now as a hypnotherapist and coach I have seen this discomfort and dissatisfaction in others many times.  What I have learned about transition is that change is uncomfortable and sometimes unwelcome.  As we move into the change it becomes an opportunity for reinvention and a transformational process of rebirth and renewal.

I recall when I was in my mid 30's, recently divorced, a mother of a 5 year old, in a job that did not fit me.  I was in a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in my daily life.  It was hard to function everyday.  I was plagued with insomnia, anxiety and depression, I felt totally lost.  For the first time, I had to reinvent myself in all areas of my life at once.  Something I had no clue on how to do, especially in my career.  After the divorce I yearned for stability, yet my life had fallen apart completely.  I was lucky to meet two career coaches at the church I attended. In the nick of time their guidance changed the course of my life.   I was very motivated and I took their 8-week class on finding your life's purpose and moving through career transition.  I dove into this process and quickly began my exploration to find my life's purpose.  It took me 1.5 years to reinvent myself and understand that I had the power  to change.  I had to take risks I would have not dare to do on my own. In the process I uncovered skills I never knew I had.  After deep inquiry, I was able to narrow down the field that best fit me, human resources.   For 6 months, I did research and made cold calls to companies to invite myself and conduct informational interviews.  During this time I left my job as an executive assistant to pursue a career in human resources.   I was empowered by finding my calling and the process became an adventure. I uncovered that I loved working with people and that I was meant to be a recruiter.  The excitement of it all carried me through every interview I had until I was hired by an amazing company despite I had no educational background or experience.

I thrived in this field for 15 years, until the dissatisfaction came calling again, the symptoms were back, insomnia, anxiety, weight gain, and major burn out showed up at my door.   This time I welcomed the change because; along the way I had learned to be resilient, confidant and developed solid business skills.  I saw this as an opportunity for growth and reinvention of a new phase in my career.

Transition of any kind asks us to be flexible and open minded despite feeling lost.  To follow your passion is exciting, however, we must have a clear vision, the right support and an action plan as a bridge to our new future.   This may feel daunting at times and scary, yet it is also a time of self-discovery and growth we can embrace. It is also important never to lose sight that our jobs, our marriages, our careers, etc., don’t define our self worth.  As we face the discomfort and find our true purpose we begin to see our true value, this can help us become motivated, more confident and certain of the new direction in life.  We may realize that to betray ourselves by remaining stagnant has a very high price that is not worth paying.  It is far easier to face the fears, the discomfort and the unknown than to stay stuck, stagnate and risk our happiness.  After all, what awaits us on the other side is a far better and new version of ourselves.